Tips for Black Women that Want to Build Their Confidence

Growing up, I cannot remember a time when I questioned my “confidence” in the world. I credit my Mother for creating a safe space for me to flourish in all of what it means to be me. It’s this foundation that taught me how to build confidence so strongly. I’m often asked by my clients and friends how I became so confident. Here are three tips I share most often for building confidence:

What is confidence?

Confidence is a belief in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. This is why I stated I never questioned my confidence. I believed wholeheartedly in my abilities, qualities, and judgment. Confidence allows individuals to trust their own abilities and feel self-assured in their decisions and actions. High levels of confidence can lead to greater resilience in the face of challenges and an overall sense of well-being (this is an important point in my story).

When I was 11 years old, I was molested by a family friend. This one action fractured my confidence. I was confident enough to speak up about what happened, but the effects of the trauma damaged my confidence in my own judgment. As I grew older and into a woman, my lack of confidence in my judgment showed up as distrust in men. Building and maintaining confidence takes effort and self-care, but it can greatly improve one’s personal and professional life. It was a long road, but I did the work to fix the damage and regain my confidence.

Practice self-care

Taking care of your physical and emotional needs can help boost your confidence. This can include getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge.

Here are some steps you can follow to build a self-care routine:

1. Identify your needs: Start by thinking about what you need to feel your best. This might include physical needs like exercise and sleep, as well as emotional and mental needs like time to relax and destress.
2. Make a plan: Once you know what your self-care needs are, create a plan to make sure you are meeting them regularly. This might involve setting aside specific times for self-care activities, such as going for a walk after work or taking a relaxing bath before bed.
3. Be consistent: Self-care is most effective when it is a regular part of your routine. Make an effort to incorporate self-care activities into your daily or weekly schedule.
4. Be flexible: It’s okay if your self-care routine needs to change from time to time. As your needs and priorities change, adjust your self-care routine accordingly.

Don’t be hard on yourself: Remember that self-care is about taking care of yourself, not about perfection. It’s okay if you have days where you don’t have time for a full self-care routine or if you have to miss a self-care activity. Just try to prioritize self-care as much as possible. Showing up for yourself in this way will help build your confidence.

Set and achieve goals

Setting and achieving small goals can help you build confidence in your abilities. As you complete each goal, you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and self-worth, which can help build your overall confidence. I instituted a morning routine that allowed me to check off simple tasks each morning such as: making the bed, reading, journaling, etc. to help me start off my day confidently.

Here are some tips for goal-setting:

1. Make sure your goals are SMART: SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound. This means that your goals should be specific and clear, able to be measured, achievable, related to your overall goals and priorities, and have a specific timeline for completion.
2. Write your goals down: Putting your goals in writing can help make them feel more real and achievable. Consider creating a vision board or writing your goals in a journal to help you stay motivated and on track.
3. Break your goals down into smaller steps: Large goals can feel overwhelming, so it can be helpful to break them down into smaller, more manageable steps. This can help you feel more focused and make progress toward your goals more easily.
4. Track your progress: Keep track of your progress toward your goals. This can help you stay motivated and see the progress you are making.
5. Celebrate your achievements: Don’t forget to celebrate your achievements along the way! Achieving small milestones can help you stay motivated and build confidence in your ability to reach your goals.

Surround yourself with supportive people

Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you and support you can help boost your confidence. This can include friends, family, mentors, or coworkers who are positive and encouraging. My immediate family was and has always been a strong foundation for me. I fully believe they are my “ace” in the hole when it comes to my confidence.

Here are some tips to consider when building a supportive tribe of your own:

1. Look for people who share your values and goals: Your tribe should be made up of people who share your values and goals and who are supportive of your efforts to achieve them.
2. Cultivate relationships: Building a supportive tribe takes time and effort. Make an effort to cultivate relationships with people who are positive and supportive. This might involve reaching out to people you admire, joining clubs or organizations, or simply being open and friendly to new people you meet.
3. Be a supportive member of the tribe: In order to build a supportive tribe, you also need to be a supportive member of it. This means being there for others when they need you and being willing to lend a helping hand.
4. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries: It’s important to have supportive people in your life, but it’s also important to set boundaries and make sure you are not being taken advantage of. Don’t be afraid to speak up and let people know what you need in order to feel supported.
5. Keep the lines of communication open: Good communication is key to any relationship, including those within your tribe. Make an effort to stay in touch with the people in your tribe and be open and honest about your needs and feelings.

Confidence is a belief in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. It allows individuals to trust their own abilities and feel self-assured in their decisions and actions. High levels of confidence can lead to greater resilience in the face of challenges and an overall sense of well-being. Building and maintaining confidence takes effort and self-care, but it can greatly improve one’s personal and professional life.