For as long as I can remember, Black women stereotypes have been praised in the form of strength—most notably, the strong Black woman stereotype. We’re expected to hold it all together, to be resilient, to push through no matter what. But lately, I’ve been wondering: is “resilience” just the new label society uses to box us in?
Lately, I’ve noticed another word creeping in: resilient. It’s supposed to be a compliment, just like “strong,” but I can’t help but feel a familiar tension around it. Are we once again being placed in a box where we are expected to endure, survive, and bounce back—without anyone asking why we always have to?
Is “resilient” just the new “strong” in disguise?
Let’s unpack this.
The Strong Black Woman Stereotype and Its Impact
The Strong Black Woman trope was born out of necessity. Historically, Black women have had to hold their families together, work tirelessly despite discrimination, and survive against impossible odds. We were never given the privilege of fragility or rest.
While society may think of this as praise, it comes at a cost. This stereotype has deeply affected our:
- Mental Health – The pressure to always “be strong” has left many of us struggling in silence, hesitant to ask for help.
- Relationships – If we’re always expected to be the backbone, who gets to hold us up?
- Societal Expectations – We are expected to “handle it,” no matter how heavy it is.
And now, just as more Black women are pushing back against the “strong Black woman” label, we’re being called “resilient.”
How “Resilient” Is Becoming the New “Strong”
I’ve lost count of how many times my therapist and friends have called me resilient. It’s meant to be a compliment, I know. But honestly? I don’t want to be resilient. I don’t want to always be the one who “bounces back,” who “handles it,” who “figures it out.”
I want to be supported. I want to have the space to fall apart when I need to, without people looking at me like I’m out of character for needing someone. But because there’s this unspoken expectation that I’m so strong and resilient, it feels almost unnatural for me to ask for help.
Eventually, though, I found the friend who let me fall apart and didn’t see it as a flaw. That moment made me realize that resilience shouldn’t be my only option—I deserve softness too.
- Resilience is rarely a choice—it’s a necessity. When systems fail us, when we don’t have support, when we’re left to figure things out alone, we have to be resilient.
- It normalizes struggle. If we are always seen as “resilient,” then people assume we can handle anything, and they stop asking if we should have to.
- It erases our need for softness and care. We become defined by our ability to bounce back, rather than by our right to rest, to feel, and to be supported.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. People admire Black women for how much we can take, but do they ever stop to ask if we want to?
Redefining Resilience for Black Women
I believe resilience should be something we experience, not a lifelong expectation.
For me, resilience should look like this:
✔️ A moment of healing – Acknowledging what we’ve been through, instead of just pushing forward.
✔️ A moment of grace – Recognizing that we made it through, but we don’t have to keep proving our ability to survive.
✔️ A moment of learning – Taking lessons from the experience, so we don’t have to go through the same struggles over and over again.
Resilience shouldn’t mean a never-ending cycle of hardship and recovery. It should be an opportunity for growth and rest.
The Path Forward – Embracing Full Humanity
I’ve learned to stop glorifying struggle in my own life, and one of the biggest ways I do that is through prayer. I pray often, and I’ve learned to leave my struggles and frustrations at the feet of God. Each time I do, I feel an overwhelming peace—a peace that reminds me:
🕊 My natural state is peace, not struggle.
This is where I choose to stay. Not in a constant state of resilience, not in a cycle of survival—but in a place where I trust that I am held, supported, and taken care of.
So how do we change the narrative?
- Challenge these labels in conversations. When someone calls you “so resilient,” ask them why. What about your experience should have been easier?
- Give Black women space to be soft. We don’t have to be “strong” or resilient all the time—we can be cared for, supported, and protected too. Drop the stereotype.
- Advocate for systems that support us. Instead of celebrating our ability to “handle it,” let’s push for changes that make resilience less necessary in the first place.
I want more Black women to feel safe enough to say, “I don’t want to be resilient today. I just want to be.”
Intentional Action
It’s time to stop glorifying struggle and start valuing ease, joy, and softness for Black women. We deserve to be seen in our full humanity—not just when we’re overcoming, but when we are simply existing.
Let’s redefine resilience as a moment, not an identity.
Now I want to hear from you:
How do you feel about being called resilient? Does it empower you, or does it feel like just another version of the “strong Black woman” stereotype in disguise? Drop a comment below and let’s talk.
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