Single? How to Practice Commitment to Self Through your Singleness

I along with a third of Americans who are also single would have a contrary opinion to share.  In fact, there has been an increase in unmarried singles since the 1960s and I do not believe it is without reason.  A topic we can discuss later.  Today, however, I want to recount what I and one other black single have done and are doing to embrace our singleness by sharing the take a ways from the conversation.  My interviewee is a single black women in her late twenties. 

Theme 1: Enter a relationship with yourself

There is nothing more powerful than a single who can enjoy his or her own company.  Who can date his or her own self, who knows who he or she is and what he or she does and DOES NOT want. My interviewee and I agreed that being in relationship with self is a precursor to being in a committed loving relationship with another. I would like to add, however, that it is impossible to know who you fully are based solely on the work you do in your singleness.  Sometimes we can only learn about an aspect of self by being in relationship with another. 

Theme 2: As a single, commit to yourself

YES!  Commit to yourself fully.  Come as full as you possibly can.  This is the time to get painfully honest with yourself. This is the time to come into your fullness in the good and in the bad.  It is a daily commitment to yourself to love yourself as you are. To love yourself without condition through the good times and bad times.

Theme 3: Freely Extend grace to yourself

The sooner we can lean into the person that greets us every day…THE BETTER! Leaning in will require us to extend grace (meaning: even when we do not deserve it) we extend it to ourselves anyway.   If that means re-learning, un-learning, and later re-learning a lesson we thought we already learned, then so be it. 

Theme 4: Bet on yourself

We should find the opportunity when afforded or created to bet on ourselves. If we invest in ourselves and believe in ourselves we can and in many instances will see the return on investment. 

Theme 5: Hold yourself

We should hold on to ourselves similarly to how we want others we care for deeply to hold us. 

To close, being in relationship with self is so critical.  It really is the only way we will be able to attract a relationship in another that matches our effort.

To add to the conversation, leave a comment below and stay tuned for more relationship talk.