I recently relocated to Atlanta, and with that move there has been MAJOR shifts in my life, especially in the friendship department. I’m talking friendships that date back to the 90’s. Friendships I believed were rock solid are slowly drifting away.
Now, more than ever, I am realizing that the older I get, the tougher it is to maintain these friendships. But in life change is inevitable. So it came as no surprise that the dynamics with one of my day one girls eventually changed. We did everything together, worked together, we vacationed together, etc. Hell, we were roommates, so in my mind there was no way we could ever drift too far apart! I was very wrong.
Nevertheless, somewhere in between my move and just life in general, things between her and I fell off track, and became toxic, and completely one-sided. So what happens when the girl(s) you’ve confided in, laughed with, and shared memories with, becomes a distant memory herself?
Now I’ve experienced a breakup or two in my life, but friendship breakups seem to hit different than any romantic breakup. At least when we break up with our partners, we can rely on our besties. And while breaking up with our besties may be hard to do, sometimes it’s necessary to let people go. To be honest, “breaking up” with her was one of the best things I did this year.
Trust, this wasn’t an easy decision to make. After discovering an episode on changing friendships on Dr. Joy Harden Bradford’s podcast “Therapy for Black Girls”, I soon realized there were a few things I had to consider before dissolving the relationship. The following are signs that it might be time to reevaluate your friendship:
When they can’t be happy for you
Even when you feel like they are partly responsible for holding you down when things were ugly, a true friend loves you when you at the bottom and at the top. Taking it a step further, your friends wants and helps you make it to the top.
They’re happiness is contingent upon your sadness
Nope. It just shouldn’t be. In fact, seeing you happy should provide hope to them for better days to come
Everything is a competition:
Friendships can not exist when you and only you can be at the top.
They’re over-judgmental:
When you’re friends with someone, you’re both in this thing together. They can hold you to higher standards, but they’re not your mom. If it feels like your every move comes with an air of judgment, it’s time to reevaluate things.
Ultimately, how you feel within the friendship is a big indicator that it is time to end the friendship. It’s important to listen to how we feel and to end relationships that are not positively contributing to our personal growth and mental health. It is important to strive for friendships that leave us feeling heard, respected, appreciated, safe, and loved. There is nothing wrong with ending friendships. This is a healthy part of growing.
