Bill Cosby has been found guilty of sexual assault. For black women, it’s put us in a tough spot. On one hand, we are happy that the victims of sexual assault finally found justice. As a woman that was molested at age 11 and sexually harassed at 16 and throughout my corporate career, I am all for punishing these assailants. However, we also know that Bill Cosby is being punished for being black and assaulting white women. If the shoe was on the other foot, the white foot… he’d more than likely NOT be convicted. And here’s the caveat to that… if the accusers were black women? Bill Cosby would not be convicted. Look at R. Kelly. I’ll touch on that in a few.
Yet, here we are, looking at the disgraced face of Black America’s Favorite Father Figure. Are we to overlook all that he has done for our community? His philanthropic efforts for Historically Black Colleges and University’s, are they to be forgotten? Rarely do our men receive accolades or have the opportunity to be as impactful for us as Bill Cosby was. We understand that the fact that they rarely have this opportunity is directly related to the systemic racism and unlevel playing field afforded to blacks in the good ole U.S. of A. (insert Childish Gambino’s “This Is America”). True…true. It is with all of this in mind, that black women have to juggle our allegiance when discussing the downfall of another powerful black man. While he definitely assisted in his own demise; it’d be foolish to not recognize that his demise was orchestrated well before this trial. It’s a demise of the black man or should I say “black messiah” per Hoover’s own words that have been in the works for decades.
We’ve Got A Problem…
There’s a HUGE issue here! One that black women have understood and live with every day. The common idea is that Black women are expendable. We have been victims of sexual assault since the day we landed in this country… and NO ONE thinks it is conviction worthy. Black women have been labeled the stereotypical “strong black woman”. A superhuman that can protect ourselves so if something happens to us, it is only because we allowed it. Don’t believe me? Look at the recent comments on Kelis coming out about Nas. There were way too many comments from people (including our own sisters) calling her a liar because they just couldn’t believe their beloved Nas, could ever disappoint them so.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”1Ofi0″ via=”yes” ] It’s NEVER your fault for any man to put their hands on you or force themselves on you. And it doesn’t make you a weak woman if this is happening to you. – Kimberly “Isis” Thomas[/ctt]
I watched the video of Kelis and it just bothered me so at how many times she exclaimed during the retelling of her situation that “I am not a weak person.” It was as if she felt she needed to give a disclaimer as if a “weak woman” deserves to have been beaten. It’s NEVER your fault for any man to put their hands on you or force themselves on you. And it doesn’t make you a weak woman if this is happening to you. I used to believe that it’s not abuse if you are not afraid of the person. I endured six years of emotional and financial abuse and threats all because I was not afraid of my ex-husband. Ladies, know this: You can never know when he will finally follow through with his threats.
[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bFcHyI4dOk[/embedyt]
It starts early…
Sadly, this idea is ingrained in young girls’ minds early. I spoke with a group of young girls (12-14) about sexual assault based on the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why, and they were quick to speak about all the things a rape victim could have done to prevent her attack. When I asked them did they know what victim blaming was, they admitted that their first thoughts were on what we (women) have to do to lower our chances of being attacked. When it came to the attacker, they offered options of therapy or delving into the “why” for the attacker. It was mind-boggling for me to see or should I say hear it happen. They basically thought that the attacker had some reason for his behavior and the girl (woman) should be wise enough to prevent it from happening.
Lupita Nyongo’s accusation against Harvey Weinstein met contention that none of the other white accusers met. She was shot down immediately. Even from Black men. We are not to be believed for a variety of reasons. Number one is based on the stereotype I discussed before. Secondly, we are insatiable sexual beasts so when we accuse or sound the alarm for assault we are immediately attacked with victim shaming/blaming.
Let’s talk about R. Kelly…
You didn’t think I forgot, did you? R. Kelly has been a predator of young women for YEARS! The crazy thing is, we all know it! And yet, we still support his art, attend his shows, and assign his fetish for young girls (he says 18+ but we all know better) to him just being a man taking advantage of his celebrity. We assert that the young women throw themselves at him and that they are fully aware of his age. We point so many fingers at the women he’s been involved with: she hasn’t complained, they are in it for the money, they know what type of man he is, he’s not holding anyone hostage if they went under their own free will, etc. When I hear these excuses, it’s hard not to recognize that this is the same way that young women are duped into human trafficking situations. It’s just that easy. Befriend her, let her believe you love her and want only what is best for her. Take her away from anyone that would warn her that you’re a predator, away from all that she knows. Lavish her with gifts. Have her do your bidding. See how easy that was? It’s called Stockholm Syndrome.
We’ve all witnessed this man’s pedophilia with our dearly loved Aaliyah on the world’s stage. But guess what? We quickly sweep it under the rug by stating that her parent’s annulled this marriage. Listen guys… she was 15 years old! And Robert was well aware of this!! That is a PREDATOR!!! This happened in 1994! We have still supported this jerk! He walks freely in our community. Why? Because his victims are young black women. Had this been young white women, R. Kelly would likely be on death row or would have been executed during arrest (you know how that tends to happen to us, right).
On Our Own…
Why is it that black women are always seen as less feminine, less dainty, less pure, less attractive, etc.? But we are certainly expendable, less valuable, an available target for abuse, misogyny, and disrespect. There is no one that is willing to stand for the sisters except the sisters. When brothers are arrested for sitting in a Starbucks while awaiting a companion, the black world stops, with black women at the forefront of justice for them. However, when Chikesia Clemmons is thrown to the floor of a Waffle House by police officers, with her breast exposed after requesting an item that is free, the only voices I hear crying for her justice are sisters.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know personally that there are brothers who do cry for the sisters… but they are definitely a minority amongst the voices of outrage. We should be a unified voice when it comes to the affliction of all our people. As a black woman, I want to know that the fight for justice isn’t unbalanced in my own community.
Between a rock and a hard place…
Which leads me back to the main premise of this post. With all that black women fight for in the #metoo movement and the civil rights movement, we find ourselves between a rock and a hard place. The #metoo movement is one we created but as always, has been hijacked and appropriated for our fairer sisters. Civil rights affect us all and so we have to stand with the fight for justice in our bias judicial system. Black women stand at the gate to protect our brethren, sometimes at all costs. We have suffered them pulled away from our breasts, we have watched them hang from trees. We have witnessed them beat for being a man and silenced for being “uppity”. No matter what attack is placed on us, black women can never pick a side other than that of our people for we are the mothers of the sons and the wives of the men that our government gravely demonizes. And such is this precarious case.
