“Why Is The Good Black Woman Not Good Enough For The Good Black Man?”

When a good Black man is seen walking down the streets of Atlanta hand in hand with a White woman, there are a lot of things that go through the average Black woman’s mind.  

The first one may be, “Maybe they’re really in love.”  

The second could be, “They look happy.”  

But underneath all of the smiling, is that one common question that many Black women share, but would never dare to ask out loud, and that question is, “What does this woman have as a White woman, that I don’t have as a Black woman?”  

Underneath that is a deeper layer of questions, that expose our collective insecurities as Black women, in which history has so brilliantly planted on the inside of us…like, “Is he with her because her skin is lighter, or is it because she’s thinner, or could it be because she has the kind of hair that can be tapered back into a sleek ponytail and doesn’t need to be wrapped with a silk scarf at night unless she’s crazy?”  

And supporting all of those insecurities, is the lingering question that all of us Black women at one point or another have probably asked ourselves.  And that question is, “Why am I not good enough for a Good Black man?”

One Black doctor on NBC’s show, “New Amsterdam” decided to give his take on this social issue.  During this episode, the black doctor was habitually asked out by his White woman colleague, and responded to her romantic request by informing her that he only dates Black women.  He goes on to say that most successful Black men date outside of their race, and he wants to be a Black man that respects his Black sisters to the utmost by building his family and creating his legacy with a Black woman.  While many may have different views on this topic, I am here to give you mine. And my view actually sees both sides of this scenario.

I do believe that the heart sees no color.  

I believe that love knows no color.

And I believe that human beings should be able to experience the love of another human being regardless of a person’s race or ethnicity.  However, while the heart knows no color, the reality of the situation is that every time a successful Black man marries and raises a family with a white woman, there is one less likely chance that a black woman will marry a black man.  And every time a Black man loves, protects, and commits his life to a white woman, there is a higher chance that one black woman will remain single, go through life alone, and have to fend for herself. Additionally, often times when a black man marries a white woman, there is a seed of doubt and insecurity planted into the heart and mind of black women that asks Why am I not good enough?  What’s wrong with me? Do I need my skin to be lighter?  Does my hair need to be straighter? And this tape consistently plays in the minds of most black women to finish the job that colorism, racism, and even slavery did on our self esteem and our self worth as women.  

There is a domino effect that happens when a black man marries a white woman.  And we can’t be blind to it. Each time a successful black man marries into a white family, the black community is weakened and has a greater chance for single parenthood, poverty, and a breakdown within the family dynamic.  So while I am all for having freedom of choice and being moved by the heart when it comes to love, I do believe that we, as Black people, should also be moved by the mind when it comes to love. We cannot ignore or be blind to the reality of race regarding relationships, partnerships, and marriage.  Because relationships, partnerships, and marriages are business moves.  They are lifetime investments and decisions that are to be made wisely, and with the consideration of the black community in mind.  People have the right to love whom they choose. I am only asking that we open our eyes to the truth of how their decision is impacting the community that raised them.  Way to go Dr. Floyd Reynolds.