The Moment I Realized I Didn’t Even Know What I Like
Over Thanksgiving break — somewhere between laughter, happy-hour plates, and a little grown-folk conversation — it hit me:
I don’t actually know my cocktail.
Not the one I order because it’s familiar.
Not the one a friend swears by.
Not the one that “always works.”
I mean the cocktail that fits me — my taste, my energy, my soft-life era.
And when that thought landed, I realized something bigger:
We often discover cocktails through other people. A friend orders something, and we say, “Whew, let me try that.” A bartender suggests something and we nod, “Sure, why not.”
We accept drinks like hand-me-down recipes… but what about the cocktail that actually feels like you?
That’s when I knew — this is the season where I discover my cocktail with intention, not by accident.
How I Got Here: The Drinks That Found Me
Before this little awakening, I honestly didn’t know what I truly liked.
My Bartesian introduced me to the Aviation — light, floral, mysterious.
A friend put me on to the French 75 — elegance in a glass.
I introduced someone to an Amaretto Sour — and realized how often we share drinks before knowing our own.
If we rely only on chance encounters, we might go our whole lives without tasting the flavors meant for us.
And baby… that’s not the soft life.
The First Official Stop: The Cucumber Martini
Thanksgiving break.
Happy hour.
My brother.
A bar with good energy and better lighting.
And then — the cucumber martini entered the chat.
I didn’t order it with intention. I ordered it because I felt curious — and curiosity is one of my favorite soft-life ingredients.
One sip in, and I knew this hit differently:
Clean. Fresh. Crisp. Elegant.
The kind of cocktail you savor, not rush.
This cucumber martini with gin felt like the grown-woman version of a deep breath.
It felt like the cocktail equivalent of stepping into a room with your shoulders lowered and your spirit rested.
Did it feel like my cocktail?
Maybe.
We’re at the start of this journey — so we’ll see.
What This Journey Means for Us as Black Women
Sis, hear me.
We’re in our becoming era.
Relearning ourselves.
Rediscovering our joy.
Reclaiming our pleasure.
This isn’t really about cocktails — it’s about the softness we deserve, the curiosity we earned, and the identities we are allowed to shape for ourselves.
Somewhere in your 30s, 40s, or 50s, you start realizing:
“I want to know what actually fits me.”
Not just in cocktails — but in friendships, work, rest, beauty, love, and identity.
Finding your cocktail is symbolic of finding you.
🍸 The Cucumber Martini Recipe with Gin
Here’s the exact recipe if you want to make it at home for your own journey:
Instructions
Muddle the cucumber (and mint, if using) in a shaker.
Add gin, lime juice, simple syrup, and ice.
Shake vigorously until chilled.
Strain into a chilled martini glass.
Garnish with a cucumber wheel or ribbon.
Soft-Life Notes
- Want it sweeter? Add a splash more syrup.
- Want it fresher? Add more muddled cucumber.
- Want it elegant? Freeze a cucumber slice inside an ice cube.
This Is Only the Beginning
Every few weeks, I’m visiting a new bar, trying a new drink, and sharing the journey here.
Not to drink more — but to explore more.
To create tiny rituals of discovery.
To build a palette that reflects who I’m becoming.
If you have cocktail recommendations — especially ATL spots — drop them in the comments.
Cheers to softness.
Cheers to intention.
Cheers to discovering the cocktail that fits your grown-woman vibe.
This is the soft life — one sip at a time.
