Grief: Learning to Live Without

Grief. The pain that festers and spreads like wildfire. You can’t run from it. It travels deep within. It’s one of the most overwhelming feelings in this life. On the other hand, you can spend days feeling completely numb. Your days grow darker. Grief is an emotion that you have no other option but to feel. You have to go through it to get out of it. 

It’s been one month and a few days since I lost my Granny-Gran. And while the pain is still fresh, I’m told that my days will be better. Some days will be better than others. But the casualties of grief are lethal. I was graced with this beautiful woman for twenty-eight years and I’m forever grateful for that. My Granny was ninety-two! She lived a full life and her legacy is forever, but her peaceful transition has left me so broken.

I think the harsh reality of never seeing her again is what seems too impossible to accept. Never seeing a loved one’s smile again, never again being able to hear their voice, embrace their hugs, that’s what I can’t accept. Their essence is eternal now, no longer tangible. The memories may comfort you, but the absence of that person can leave such emptiness.

Where Do We Go From Here?

So now what? You’re left to piece your life back together as if nothing happened? Everyone processes grief differently. Some people cope by staying busy and deflecting, while others like myself find themselves stuck and drowning in depression. Grief can have such a crippling grip on you that the mere thought of getting out of bed is the hardest part of the day. 

But you know what I have to keep in mind? Her spirit transcends the vessel that she was given. It wasn’t meant to last forever, I just grew accustomed to it. Her soul is at peace and I have to remember that she was doused in love and light. She is love and light. Everything about her was so graceful. We can’t let grief keep us in darkness. Her light will lead me to a new normal and I know I’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. Grief isn’t permanent, but it sure as hell is hard.

Talk About Your Pain

Talking about your feelings is one of the greatest outlets. Seeking a grief counselor is highly suggested. I’m not ashamed to say that I will talk my therapist’s ears off about ANYTHING. I say a therapist because a medical professional will direct you on the right path to healing. There are steps to grieving. There are positive coping mechanisms that you can incorporate into your life that will help with the grieving process. Never feel like you’re alone and that you just have to fight this battle by yourself. Losing a loved one is never easy, nor will that pain just disappear. What I will say is that with time, you’ll start to cry less and smile more. Some days you may even do both. Heal at your own pace. I know I am.

“What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” -Helen Keller