by Kenya Winfrey
I had a very interesting conversation with a coworker today about issues with extended family members. Her husband is holding a major grudge against his uncle; because of their culture, it’s causing a rift in the entire family. Because of previous disagreements with his family; many believe her husband’s shift in demeanor is a result of her influence, and this is causing her great anxiety. She is considering going to the family, without her husband’s knowledge, to assure them that she wants there to be peace in the family.
To the naked eye this approach seems very logical, so you can imagine her surprise when I told her that she was completely wrong! I am no marriage expert, but I know from experience that making life-changing decisions without your partner’s input is never best practice. Ladies, you wield great influence over your partners so this power must be used with great wisdom and discretion. There is nothing more disrespectful to a man than a partner who will undermine his authority in front of others.
Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist and author of For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men states men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Women please take this and run with it!!! Her approach is so many levels of wrong and disrespectful! She needs to respect his decision not to deal with his uncle, respect is ability to solve his own problems, and communicate respectfully to him and about him to others…period. Our approach to a relationship should never be based on self-preservation or being right, but to preserve the oneness of the relationship; this hold true in any relationship.
If your solution interferes with oneness with your significant other consider another solution. My friend’s position is one of prayer and support while her man works through his own emotional process concerning this situation. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion and expressing it (remember you have the power of influence), but after that let it go; it’s not your issue ladies. You want your man to hear you during times of distress, increase your influence and love within the relationship, then show some respect!
Kenya Winfrey is a Social Work graduate of Georgia State University, received her Masters at Boston University, and is a current member of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW). She spent over fifteen years working and volunteering in the Social Work arena such as Families First where she offered counseling and resource services to new parents in an effort to prevent child abuse and mentoring teenage mothers and young adult women. In any form of social services she finds herself affiliated to, Kenya strives to facilitate change by empowerment through education. Instagram: @browncitygurl
