Let’s Talk: Do We Really Understand Monogamy?

Do you think when we enter into a relationship that we are coming into it as whole as we can? I do not think we are. I would even add, many of us when we are asking another person to solely focus on us, are not even aware of the other person’s required needs. We have not even considered what past hurts the partner we are asking exclusivity from may still be sorting through? Have we given thought to the coupling process beyond the looks and or sexual benefit? Are we capable of coupling based on matching sex drives, love languages, and languages of apology? Furthermore, have we considered whether or not our goals align? Have we given careful thought to there being alignment with our faith life? And lastly, do our core values center our being?

We have to do the introspective work! We have to ensure some of the questions posed in the last paragraph can be answered with certainty. If we want to have #positivehealthylove, we then have to make courtship a thing again.

I had the opportunity to interview two black, young men in their early to mid twenties to get their weigh in on the topic. I want to share with you the highlights and the overarching themes that organically flowed from each conversation.

Theme 1: Get to Know Yourself and Your Self Worth

There is nothing more appealing on a person than the confidence they exude. Both men highlighted the importance of getting to know yourself. If you are single….this is the time to find enjoyment in your own company. Take the time to find out what YOUR interests are so YOU can be ‘interesting’ not just to yourself but to others. Being ‘as whole as you can be’ will make navigating relationships, although complex, a natural progressive thing to do.

Theme 2: Have Purpose

If you do not, the men agreed, have purpose or know what it even is, it is going to be very difficult for you to know fully what direction you want to take your relationship or what the process getting there will look like. As a woman, I myself have been guilty, asking for monogamy at certain points in my life when I knew I had no clue what it truly meant.

Theme 3: Understand there is no end destination

The sooner we understand being in a relationship has no ‘ set’ end destination…THE BETTER! Ladies and gentlemen there is no set destination we can enter into our GPS devices that will get us to a destination. Being in a committed relationship has to be a choice that we learn to choose daily even when the relationship we choose to be in is not always so glamourous. Now I want to also add….I do not promote struggle love, I do and will, however, lift up relationships who have decided with concerted effort and intent, to push through the stale phase and really work to fix and to redefine their relationship, rather than to give up because they both understand their why.

Theme 4: Heal your past hurts

If you refuse to heal your past hurt, you will continue to bleed on everyone you encounter.

To add to the conversation, leave a comment below and stay tuned for more relationship talk.