“What am I supposed to do? What do you mean? This can’t be… I just thought… I really thought… I never thought this would be me!”
The very words I said when I received the phone call that would change my life forever!!! I was numb but in denial because the events leading to this phone call should have prepared me for devastating news…I mean, I had trained for this… but oddly enough, I wasn’t. I wasn’t prepared for this call or what I was about to hear. See, I had not heard from my husband for a week prior to this phone call! I was worried…actually, I was petrified! As a 1st Lt in the United States Army fighting over in Iraq, he made it a practice to contact me in some way every week via email or phone to let me know he was ok, but I didn’t get that call and it was going into week two. I was preparing for the worst and then it happened… I GOT THE CALL!!! It was him! I got the call! I could hear his voice! It was him and I was so happy… ELATED!!!
He spoke, “I can’t do this anymore!” He had been talking about a plan of getting out the Army to be with us so I said, “I know, but just hold on babe because it won’t be long!” “No Tiff, I don’t want to be married anymore, I don’t want to be your husband.” My heart dropped in my stomach…..I was confused, perplexed…..I was absolutely dumbfounded! Ironically, this picture is the day I received that call! I was preparing to get the worst news an army wife could get, but believe it or not, this call was just as devastating…..You don’t understand, let me help you.
“No Tiff, I don’t want to be married anymore, I don’t want to be your husband.”
See, I am a product of divorce! I had a jaded sense of what parenting should look like and I was determined to change it for my children. Now, looking at me with the naked eye, one would think that I didn’t turn out too bad and in hindsight, I didn’t….but there were some deep rooted issues as a result of my parents’ divorce and there was something that stuck with me as a result….I only want to be married once and I would not be a single parent…I refused to be! Now, my husband and I had deemed me the “MARRIED SINGLE PARENT” as a little joke between us because with his many deployments and assignments, I was responsible for the physical and emotional nurturing of our children and that was ok because we were still a family unit and I was my nor societies definition of a “single parent” …. And this picture shows me being just that!!
This was like losing a loved one….. A death had happened….my marriage died that day!!!!!
Now, go back to the day of the phone call. Again, I was numb…..I begged, I pleaded…..YES….I REALLY DID, but he would not budge! I did not want to get off the phone because hanging up would make this real and I was not ready! “Please don’t do this….What about the girls? “Please don’t do this…….”I can’t Tiff, I have to do this for me? And just like that, it was over…..he hung up! I sat there on the couch, I couldn’t even cry….I just sat there! I felt like there was a release happening for him as every word he spoke was hurting me….and I just sat there. I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t change it, I had no control and I just sat there for two hours in silence repeating in my head, “I never thought this would be me, I am a single parent”! This was like losing a loved one….. A death had happened….my marriage died that day!!!!! I finally got up and went in the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and it happened……I cried! That was in May, 2009 and my divorce was finalized November 11, 2010!
I was going to have to raise our children by myself and I was angry, scared…..and LOST!!!! It wasn’t until one day I realized, Tiffany, you have been raising your children by yourself for the duration of your marriage and the only thing that changed was that you went from being the “Married Single Parent” to the, “SINGLE MOTHER” and you have been and will continue to do a fabulous job as shown in this picture in June of 2010!!!!
My definition of “Jaded Parenting” was no more….I saw the new definition that day in May of 2009 when I received the call….I just didn’t know……but now……I am living and breathing it……and will continue to do so until God reveals something different…….and as you can tell……WE ARE UNBOTHERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope my journey can help those who are going through this same thing allow you to find peace as you make your transition…….not just with single parenting……but just being A PARENT!!! Tip, Uhhhhh….That’s ME!!! #ChroniclesofTippAmeandparenting
Tiffany is a mother of 3, teacher, singer, songwriter, and growing. Follow her on Instagram @tippame.
