I think that self esteem and the need for validation begins at a very young age. Think back to as young as you can remember. How did you feel when you first understood what it meant to be accepted?
How did you feel when you were first rejected? I’ll share my first experience of both! My first memory of being rejected was in the second grade, when I began being teased for not wearing the nicest clothes and shoes. I even remember being teased about my odor which I knew was a lie, but it didn’t change how the comments made me feel. At that age all I wanted was recess buddies and naps, the simple life right? Hmph well unfortunately that didn’t happen for me! This went on for years, I think it finally stopped when I started fighting back! No not with words, I got physical!
Now by high school I’m feeling myself! I’d finally hit puberty, my curves are filling out, my hormones are kicking in, and I’m a cutie! So now instead of being picked at, I began being harassed.. Yes, my childhood was a cruel one. I’d now become “the new girl that thinks she’s all that”, hence I was always the new girl because I got kicked out of so many schools for fighting. As innocent as I wanted to behave I was never able to because I always felt that I had to prove myself. I had to prove that I could fight in order to be left alone, prove that I was cool enough to no longer be teased because of my no name brand clothes, prove that I could be the class clown because I wanted people to like me.. Boy the effect that this had on my life..
This conditioned me at a young age to live my life according to people’s opinions of me. If I wanted friends, relationships, or to be accepted by a certain group of people, then I felt I had to do what they were doing to fit in.
However over the years I’ve lost a lot of “friends” and I may lose a few more because I will continue to grow! And as I grow I realize that everyone can’t go with me. Now I see that I wasn’t created to fit in anyone’s box nor was I to perfect their image of who they wanted me to be.
I had to recondition my mind, and I am no longer held bound to the belief that I have to change to “fit” in anyone’s life! I am me, and I am loving learning about every bit of me.
We must accept everything about ourselves!!! We have to make an effort to encourage ourselves of our greatness! I’ve made a commitment to myself that I will accept all of me unconditionally everyday. I accept my flaws, my scars, my past and my present. I accept all of me, not only because I deserve it.. But because if I don’t accept myself, I can’t expect anyone else to accept me either..
Mone’ Wallace is confident, strong, full of love and life, a young black queen, blessed with a profound testimony! Finding my voice through the pen. Follow me on Instagram: divine__beautii.
