I did a thing. I sent a simple question to my brother via text. But little did I know, this question would set off a sequence of responses in which I would be enlightened, brought to tears and emotionally spent. I love my black men. This world treats them volatile, unfairly due in part by a fear of their greatness. Yes, the world treats black men like animals, worse than (ask Mike Vick). The world is so afraid of a black man but benefits from their essence. Check the NBA, NFL’s growth since the brothers entered if you want to challenge me. Yet, our black men have been under attack for so long from the moment they stepped foot on this soil. This is no secret to black women, as we have lived the oppression with you.
We have seen them taken away from our homes and their masculinity attacked. All as a response to fear. On top of this, Black men are not allowed the space to be emotional. This lack or inability to speak of the pain that is troubling their souls has created a volatile place in which pent-up anger, frustration, and pain resides.
So the question I asked my brother was this: “How would you describe your experience as a Black man in 10 words or less?”
His immediate response was, “Hard.” When I received his response it shocked me. The reason why is because this is my brother. This is someone I grew up with and we had a shared life experience or so I thought. Seconds later, he sent me a “LOL”. I knew that this action was something subconsciously he had been taught to do. As a Black man, you cannot show any flaw or sign of weakness. So to admit that being a Black man in America is hard would have been perceived as a man whining about his experience. But I understood what ‘hard’ meant. It meant so much and spoke volumes.
My heart dropped because as difficult as it is being a Black woman in America, I cannot understand totally what it means to be a black man. I can’t imagine how it feels to be feared from the moment you enter this world. Yet, here I was confronted with the truth that my little brother had to carry a burden that he did not solicit. He finally sent his answer: “My experience as a black man is full of obstacles that I pride myself to overcome.” There’s something so extraordinary about his response, black men deal with obstacles and they know that it is a common part of their experience but not only that you see the strength in knowing that he can overcome it and priding himself every time he overcomes the odds stacked against him. That made me smile. That made me want to know how other black men felt.
I then sent the text out to about five other male friends of mine and the responses were astonishing. They all had a common theme… Black men in America understand that there are obstacles against them at all times. Did you know that our black men feel like targets from the moment they realize they are men? Did you know that our black sons, brothers, and lovers live knowing there’s a target on their backs daily? The saddest thing of it all is that they are not afforded space to express their frustration. Many of the black men that responded stated the difficulties of being Black in America and spoke of their strength in overcoming and being persistent. This was their sense of pride, of accomplishment. Making it over. They talked about being overlooked, prejudged, feared, and shunned. So they take pleasure in being powerful and turn being feared into a sense of dominance. Black men want you to know that they have feelings. They empathetic, sensitive, and emotional creatures. Most importantly, I learned that our brothers want to be heard and considered as they thanked me in asking about their experiences.
When you think about it black women are so vocal and communicative about our life. We talk about how we move through each day. However, our men are silenced almost immediately. If they’re not told to not be emotional in their upbringing; when they step out into the world they are told that their voices do not matter. They have to deal with a lot of similar struggles that black women face, such as speaking “too aggressively” and does that further make me seem like a target?
I learned so much from a simple text message. But the thing that struck me most was the amount of thank yous that I got from the brothers. They thanked me for taking the time to ask how they feel and to check in on their feelings. For once they felt seen. So my question to you today ladies is this: Are we adequately supporting black men? Are we checking in on their emotional and mental welfare? The world is definitely against a brother but as a sister of the brothers, I feel it is our duty to affirm them and remind them that they are kings, that they are needed, that they are special, that they are leaders. I challenge you to ask a black man about his experience. What you will be doing is opening the door and saying it is okay for you to communicate your emotions. Be sure to use #AskABlackMan so we can all follow the movement.
Our Black men are beautiful and I’ve got nothing but love for you my brother. Let this serve as my love letter to my Black Kings: You are thought of. You are seen and I will do all that I can you to make sure that you are heard. Love & Light… Isis.
